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3月20日 I'm So Postmodern- The Bedroom PhilosopherI'm so postmodern that I just don't talk anymore, I wear different coloured t-shirts according to my mood. I'm so postmodern that I work from home As a surf life saving consumer hotline. I'm so postmodern that all my clothes are made out of sleeping bags, I don't need pockets, I'm a pocket myself. I'm so postmodern I go to parties I'm not invited to, and locate the vegemite and write my name on everyone. I'm so postmodern that I write reviews for funerals, and heckle at weddings, from inside a suitcase. I'm so postmodern I'm going to adopt a child, and teach him to knit, and call him Adolf Diggler. I'm so postmodern that I breakdance in waiting rooms, play Yahtzee in nightclubs, at three in the afternoon. I'm so postmodern I only go on dates that last thirteen minutes, via walky-talky, while hiding under the bed. I'm so postmodern I invite strangers to my house, And put on a slide show, of other people's nans. I'm so postmodern I went home and typed up everything you said, And printed it out in Wingdings, and gave it back to you. I'm so postmodern I held an art exhibition- A Chuppa Chup stuck to a swimming cap, and noone was invited. I'm so postmodern I make alphabet soup, And dye it purple, and pour it on the lawn. I'm so postmodern I request Hey Mona on karaoke, Then sing my life story, to the tune of My Sharona. I'm so postmodern I only think in palendromic haikus- Madam, I Glenelg, I'm Adam. I'm so postmodern that I sit down to wee, And stand up to poo, at job interviews. I'm so postmodern that I dress up as Santa, In the middle of August, and haunt golf courses. I'm so postmodern that I cut off all my hair, And knitted it into a beanie, and threw it off a bridge. I'm so postmodern that I stole everyone's mail, And cut them up into a ransom note and hid it in a thermos. I'm so postmodern I take my leggo to the supermarket, And build my own shopping trolley, and only buy one nut. I'm so postmodern I wrote a letter to the council- ...I think it was 'M.' I'm so postmodern I bought a round the world plane ticket, And stuffed my clothes with eggplant and pretended it was me. I'm so postmodern I've got a tattoo of my pin number, In heiroglyphics on my neighbour's guide dog. I'm so postmodern I fought my way into parliment, And made a law banning Nuttelex, and then moved to Spain. I'm so postmodern that I iron all my lettuce leaves, Put my t-shirts in the crisper- they're real crisp. I'm so postmodern I give live mice to buskers, Dirty tea-towels to the Mormons, and pavlova to crabs. I'm so postmodern that I live in a tent, On a platform of skateboards that's tied to a tram. I'm so postmodern I write four-thousand word essays, On the cultural significance of party pies. I'm so postmodern I recite Shakespear at KFC drive-thru's, Through a megaphone, in sign language. I'm so postmodern I'm going to watch the Olympics, On a black & white TV, with the sound down. I'm so postmodern I go to the gym after hours, Push up against the door, then cry myself to sleep. I'm so postmodern I wrote a trilogy of novels, From the perspective of a possum that Jesus patted once. I'm so postmodern that I marry all my friends, Soak myself in metho, and tell them that they've changed. I'm so postmodern I bought every book written in 1963, As a reading challenge, and clogged up a waterslide. I'm so postmodern I think I might be a god, In my undies rolling in sugar, in the carpark of a rodeo. I'm so postmodern I prerecorded this song, And laced a message subliminally telling Shane Porteous to buy a smock. 评论 (8)
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